Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
