My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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