3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
found the other keg... it's in the tree
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
