is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
