i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
