How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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