i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
