Everything about him screamed your future.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
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Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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