shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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