This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
