if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
