but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
