Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
