Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
