if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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