what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
