All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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