I think I am morally bankrupt
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
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The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
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I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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