if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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