Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
