I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
