bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
