ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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