the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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