All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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