he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
