you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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