last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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