i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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