grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
