thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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