the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
