You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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