spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
