Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
