i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
