My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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