You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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