I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
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You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Still dying that you shit outside
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize