Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
