I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize