So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
