Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
