she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
