We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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