His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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