On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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