i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
