just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
