I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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