I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
