I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
