I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
