I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
