so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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