I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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