He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
