Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
