oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize