I just made out with a guy for $7.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
