Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
