You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
